Funny Translations - I

On a Bulgarian web site:
    You may visit this webpage, only if you are logged in or it is unavailable.


 In a Tokyo Hotel:
    Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.


In a Leipzig elevator:
    Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
    The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.


In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
    To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.


In a hotel in Athens:
    Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
    Please leave your values at the front desk.


In a Yugoslavian hotel:
    The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.


In a Japanese hotel:
    You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.


In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
    You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.


    In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
    Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.


On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
    Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.


On the menu of a Polish hotel:
    Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.


Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
    Ladies may have a fit upstairs.


 In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
    Drop your trousers here for best results.


Outside a Paris dress shop:
    Dresses for street walking.


In a Rhodes tailor shop:
    Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.


From the Soviet Weekly:
    There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.


In a Zurich hotel:
    Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.


In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
    Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.


In a Rome laundry:
    Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.


In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
    Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.


Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
    Would you like to ride on your own ass?


In a Bangkok temple:
    It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.


In a Tokyo bar:
    Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.


In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
    We take your bags and send them in all directions.


On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
    If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.


In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
    Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.


In a Budapest zoo:
    Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.


In the office of a Rome doctor:
    Specialist in women and other diseases.


In an Acapulco hotel:
    The manager has personally passed all the water served here.


In a Tokyo shop:
    Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.


In a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
    Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.


In a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
    When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.


Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
    - English well talking.
    - Here speeching American.


On a Malaga freeway:
    Locals for sale or rent.


In an East African newspaper:
    A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.


In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
    Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.


Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
    Stop: Drive Sideways.